Stolen moments
by Jadiebeth
Summary: This is just one chapter but I will come back and edit this, i just want this chapter up and sorted! Sophie and Sian
1. Chapter 1

_Sophie walked out of the pub into the warm summer evening as it wrapped around her tenderly embracing her like an old friend. She could hear someone singing 'pour some sugar on me' from inside The Rovers (karaoke night) and she smiled leaning against the wall. Soon however she realised she was not alone when she caught the scent of Sian._

"_Hey." Sophie said even though she did not look up to see the new presence._

"_How did you know I was here?" The blonde asked with a curious smile._

"_You smell of strawberries, I'd know it anywhere." She said as she looked up to see her beautiful lover grinning at her and it made her heart skip a beat. The brunette looked around and then took Sian's hand in her own pulling her around the corner away from any prying eyes. Now alone Sophie pushed the older girl up against the wall and began to attack her lips, savouring the taste of her mouth. Sian slipped her tongue into Sophie's mouth as they crashed together in the heat of passion, their bodies were so close together they might as well have been one. The brunette felt Sian suck on her bottom lip biting it gently, sending a wave of fervour through her body. Needing air the duo pulled apart, keeping their foreheads touching and planting chaste kisses on the others lips._

Sophie shot up in bed a cold film of sweat on her brow and upper lip. Her breath snaked out of her as she tried to regain control of herself, it was a dream she repeated to herself attempting to return control over herself. She should have been use to this, dreams or nightmares depending which way you looked at it had been haunting her for the last three weeks. Sophie had yet to get through a single night when she hadn't been woken from her slumber. It was like her body was seeking out a way to tell her she had made a grave mistake in turning Sian away and she was constantly trying to tell herself she had done the right thing. She could not have attempted a relationship with Sian, too much had passed between them and now that Sian was pregnant it would never have worked. But her subconscious clearly had other ideas and disturbed her with pictures of them together. Her dream/nightmare had been rather tame compared to ones from other nights and for that she had to be slightly thankful.

Sitting up she pulled her knees to her chest rubbing her face with her hands trying to scrub away the images that now refused to leave her mind. She missed when her dreams would disappear the moment she awoke from her slumber but these ones stayed with her hours sometimes even days after she had woken up. The winter night howled outside her window and she sighed deeply feeling that familiar ache rest inside her chest, before it had come and gone but now it stayed whenever she awake a permanent reminder of what she had thrown away.

"Jesus." She muttered as tears sprung to life in the corner of her eyes. She had to be up for work in two hours she noted as she looked at the clock and reluctantly she pushed the covers back. Although Sophie feared going to sleep another sadistic part of her revelled in it, because it was in these instances that she got to see herself with Sian, see them happy and together. The agony of waking up and finding herself alone was indescribable, but it was worth it she thought to herself. She really was a gluten for punishment. But she knew she deserved it, no matter what anyone else said. There was no point attempting to sleep again so she got up and processed to get ready for the pretence of her life.

She breathed out deeply as she took her surroundings suddenly realising she was not in her own room. The abrupt wake up had caused her to forget her whereabouts. She had stayed at her sisters the previous night to watch Blake so that Rosie and Jason could go watch Billy Elliot the musical that was touring. Although Jason had offered Sophie his ticket. It had been a nice way to spend her evening, she found it almost impossible to stay in a bad mood when she was around her nephew. He was so curious and smart that Sophie marvelled at him and the way his mind worked.

Sitting on the edge of the bed Sophie wiped the sleep out of her eyes along with the tears, and tried to focus on her plan for the day ahead. She would go to work and pretend to be happy, pretend to not be dying. Alex would pretend that there wasn't a huge secret hiding between them and Ellie would pretend that she wasn't hurt. What had started off as a kiss between Sophie and Sian before leading into a full blown affair had splinted down and effected more people that Sophie ever thought was possible. Even now that it was over people were still suffering and Sophie had no idea how to correct it all. Ellie refused to look her in the eye even when they encountered each other at school. Sophie hated herself for causing the girl any anguish and she yearned for a way to rob it away and store it with her own because it was what she warranted. She deserved all the pain.

Across the street Sian switched the kettle on as she pushed herself up onto the kitchen work top pulling the local newspaper open as she waited for the water to boil. She didn't really even bother trying to sleep anymore, it felt so pointless. Her mind was so crazy with thoughts that it never calmed down long enough for a whole nights sleep. She had managed with a few hours here and there over the last three weeks and although she felt exhausted she was managing. But with her tired body and broken heart she felt like she had nothing left to offer the world and she could feel it starting to effect her at work. She wished she could just click her fingers and snap out of. Well, if she was wishing for things Sian wished she had a time machine to do everything differently that way she'd have found herself waking up beside Sophie. But this morning like the previous 22 days she was awake up alone on a friend's couch all alone. She rubbed her stomach tenderly, knowing that she was not just taking care of one person she now had two people to consider. She had to look after her.

The night at Sophie's still tortured, she recalled it every time she closed her eyes and she suspected that was one of the biggest reasons that sleep evaded her. The rerun in her mind was always colourful and loaded as it mocked her for believing that they were finally going to get their happy ending. She had not expected their reunion to be easy, she was carrying Ryan's child after all but she had thought once they talked it through they could work it out. Sophie telling her to leave had not even crossed her mind. Sian knew she was a naïve fool but that was what love did to you. Love carried you up to the highest point in the world so you could feel the clouds rush past you and you could see the beauty of the earth below. No one warns about the moment the ground rocks beneath your feet and you just fall, landing on the ground in a bloody mess.

Katy and Chesney's couch was comfortable and she was thankful for their hospitality but she needed to get out. She didn't feel like she could impose of them any more even if they claimed she wasn't. Sian had the money to move out, she had good savings and her job paid extremely well but she'd kept putting the task of looking hidden away. The blonde knew why she had put off searching because somewhere in the back of her mind she had hoped and still did hope that Sophie was going to turn up at the door. Sophie would mutter something about being wrong and Sian would hold her and tell her that it didn't matter any more. She had replayed the imaginary scene over and over in her mind and she couldn't quite let the dream of it happening die away.

With a deep heart tugging sigh she opened the paper to the property section knowing that she would have to make some appointments for the weekend. Sian heard movement from the hallway and chuckled to herself when she heard Katy singing. "Today I don't feel like do anything, I just want to lay in my bed, don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone." She adored her friend, and Katy would never know what a truly good friend she had been, she'd been Sian's rock. She'd held Sian tightly as she cried when returning rejected from Sophie's, she had not muttered anything negative and only soothed her caring words. "Hey." She said surprised when she noticed that Sian was already up, but she was always the first one up.

"Morning." Sian replied with a smile.

"Jackson didn't wake you did he?" She asked concerned as she went and received one of the already prepared bottles of milk.

"Nope, he never wakes me." It was true because she was always awake before the little boy turned the air blue with his cries.

"Still not sleeping?" Katy asked with a knowing tilt of her head and Sian shrugged.

"I sleep fine."

"Liar." She shot back. "Anything interesting happening in the world?" Gesturing to the paper before she processed to heat up the milk for her son.

"It's yesterdays, I'm just looking at properties."

"Why?" Katy forgot about what she was doing and turned to look at her friend with a knotted brow.

"I can't stay here forever."

"Yeah you can, you could be like our live in babysitter." She tried to joke, the truth was she had enjoyed having Sian here. Also she was worried about her friend, she'd watched as she'd gone in on herself and it scared Katy more than she was willing to admit.

"As lovely as that offer sounds, and trust me I love your son but I need to find somewhere else. I'm scared every time I walk outside that I'm going to run into Ryan or Michelle." Sian had only seen her husband twice since she walked away and both times he had just stared at her blankly as she spoke. He was hurt she understood that and it was her fault, she deserved the silent treatment from him. But the only way she could make it better between them was by returning back home and that wasn't an option for her anymore. She wanted Sophie and she was planning to win her back. She would piece back every part of Sophie's heart no matter how many times she cut her fingers on the sharp edges. Being divorced by 25 made her feel terrible but at the same time it was better than living a lie.

"Screw 'em." Katy shrugged as she checked the temperate of the milk against her forearm.

"That's easy for you to say. You know what Michelle's like about Ryan." Katy nodded knowingly as Chesney walked into the kitchen with only his boxers on and his son on his hip.

"Sian doesn't want to see you in your underwear, go get dressed." She leaned forward and took Jack from his dad and the little boy snuggled into his mother. Sian watched the exchange with a tender smile. It wouldn't be long before it was her with a baby and the idea made her smile glow. That was until she thought about how she would be doing it alone, she had no doubt that by then Ryan would have come around and he'd want to be involved but she was still going to be a single mother. She'd had fantasies about her and Sophie raising a child together, arguing about who's turn it was to get up in the night. And Sian still wasn't really to let that idea go.

"Maybe she likes it." Chesney flexed his muscles in a few poses before shooting Sian a toothy grin. "Working for you?"

"Someone might have to hold me back because my desire for you is out of this world." She told him sarcastically trying to bite back a chuckle.

"Told ya." He smirked at his wife who rolled her eyes.

"She's patronising you. I'm the only one who wants that body so go cover it up before I go into some crazy jealous rage."

"You're patronising me as well ain't you?" He asked with playful narrowed eyes.

"That obvious?"

"Completely." He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Katy's lips and one to his son's forehead. Sian watched the whole exchange with envy. Chesney went back down the hall while Katy uncapped the bottle and popped into her waiting son's mouth.

"You'd have thought by now he's lean to put something on before he comes out."

"I'm just thankful he has boxers on." Sian held up her hands with a smile. "Because that's one full monty I don't think I can handle seeing."

"He's a grower not a shower." Katy laughed as she watched Sian's face crumble at the mental image she was giving her friend.

"Oh my, delicate little ears in the room." Sian exclaimed.

"He doesn't know what we're talking about." She stated as she looked down at her little boy.

"I wasn't talking about him." They duo chuckled lightly before a comfortable silence fell over them. The only sound was that of Jackson as he sucked on his bottle. Sian watched Katy out of the corner of her eye, a question pressing to come out of her lips, but she wasn't sure if she could ask.

"Just ask it." The brunette called not raising her head.

"What?" She asked taken back by the younger girls words.

"You have been dying to ask me about my conversation with Sophie since yesterday when I called her." Katy told her matter-of-factly and Sian marvelled at how well her friend knew her.

"Well since you brought it up."

"Smooth Conner." Katy instantly regretted her words when she witnessed the blonde physically flinch at the use of her married name. It felt like a blow to Sian's stomach but she fought through and smiled at her friend to let her know that she was okay. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's my name after all." It came out more bitter than she intended. "Is she alright?" No matter what pain she was feeling she needed to know how Sophie was. It had taken all her power to stay away from Sophie and not to turn up on her door begging her, telling her they were meant to be. She was willing to give Sophie time but she was in no way giving up. How can you give up on something that's meant to be? Romeo didn't give up on Juliet and she wasn't going to live her life surrounded with any more what if's. She ignored the part of her mind that argued Romeo and Juliet died because their love consumed them so deeply.

"Well she said she's fine, that's she coping." She wanted to be happy at this yet it stung. "But…" Katy began again and Sian's head snapped up so quickly she thought she heard some bones snap. "I saw Rosie last night when she was heading out with Jason."

"And?" She prompted impatiently.

"She's not alright. I mean she was thin the last time we saw her, Jesus when I hugged her I thought she'd snap." Sian thought the brunette looked thin but she'd been so happy that she was in close proximity to Sophie she hadn't noticed. She silent berated herself for not noticing this about the woman she loved, she hated that this was effecting Sophie. "But apparently she has lost even more weight, she isn't taking care of herself. Rosie's actually worried."

"Jesus." Sian said burying her head in her hands with a deep sigh, feeling the stitches rip from her heart all over again. She knew she had to do something, she just didn't know what and she was certain that Sophie wouldn't except her help anyway. "I should go see her."

"No." Katy answered abruptly almost pulling the bottle out of Jacks mouth. "It's only been three weeks."

"Maybe I can help her."

"Maybe you'll make it worse." The blonde frowned, confused by her friend's dismissal of her suggestion. "Look Sian I love you and I love Sophie. But I think you should stay away." Her words were gentle but Sian felt a slight threat behind them.

"I don't know if I can."

"You've managed for 3 weeks, what's a little longer. Wait until you speak to Ryan about this separation at least."

"I'm not separating from him, I'm divorcing him." The brunette sighed at her friend as her eyes feathered closed.

"I know that's what you're saying now but-"

"There is no buts here Katy, I'm not in love with him. I want to be with Sophie." The older girl exclaimed in a whispered shout. She didn't understand where her friend was coming from with this, Katy had held her while she'd cried about Sophie, a few tears had escaped for her marriage but they had mostly been due to the youngest Webster.

"Sian…" She started gently.

"I'm going to get ready." The blonde stated sharply although she instantly regretted her tone but she made no effort to apologise as she walked away towards the bathroom. Sian knew her anger was irrational, Katy was just trying to protect them both in her own way, but Sian saw it as Katy telling her to back away. Sophie was her other half, she was only a complete person when they were together and she had no intention as spending the rest of her life half a person. So as she washed her face roughly, trying to scrub away her mournful expression before she went to work Sian tried to ignore the nagging voice that told her Katy was right.

Sophie sipped her tea at the table while Blake sat opposite her spooning his cornflakes into his mouth dropping most of them back into his bowl. She chuckled trying to decide if he had got his eating habits from Jason or Rosie.

"Ona g c uo dinsa elm?" He spoke at that Sophie could see his food roll around in his mouth; he definitely got it from his mother she thought with a giggle.

"What was that?" She asked him with amusement, the boy opened his mouth to repeat himself but she quickly put her hand up. "Wait till you've finished eating that mouthful, pretty sure I'm gonna be picking your breakfast out of my hair all morning." He laughed spitting some more of his food out but promptly swallowed before showing his aunt that his mouth was empty. "Go ahead little man."

"I said, you wanna go and watch the new Disney film with me?"

"A cinema full of hyped up children, can't think of anything better." She smiled at him through her sarcastic comment.

"Yay!" He clapped excitedly able to understand that her answer meant yes. "Can we go on Saturday?" He asked his eyes pleading at her.

The truth was Sophie didn't even need to consult her diary, she was free. She was always free, the only time she ventured out of her flat was either for work, food or Blake. It wasn't that she didn't have offers to go out for the evening or out for lunch it was just it was too much effort. Sophie would be expected to pretend that she was happy when in truth she felt like she was dying. With Blake she didn't have to be someone else, he lighted her mood without even trying and when she did feel quiet he would sit and let Sophie hold him. He was too young to understand what was really going on with his aunt but he did seem to be able to sense she was down and the little boy just wanted to help. When she thought it wasn't possible to love and adore him anymore he would prove her wrong.

"Don't see why not." She shrugged.

"Can we have Mcdonalds as well?"

"You know they aren't good you, you know." Sophie told him with a lop sided grin.

"I know, I just don't care." She couldn't stop the laughter and it made her insides smile. The little boy was like her temporary high, she knew it was not possible for him to sort her mood out permanently but it was enough for now. Sophie just focused her life on getting through minute by minute it was too much working day by day, this way hurt less.

"Has anyone seen my shoes?" Rosie came down the stairs with her arms full of dirty clothes.

"There's some there." Blake pointed out before he popped in his final spoonful of cornflakes.

"And there's a black pair behind the couch and I think I saw some red ones under the coffee table." Sophie followed on.

"They're the blue ones with the white bows. Have you not finished your breakfast?" He speedily chewed before sticking his tongue out and showing his mother his empty bowl.

"I have now." He answered with a smirk and jumped off the chair.

"Go up stairs and have a wash, and brush your teeth, don't just run it under the water and pretend that you've done it."

"She knows that trick because that's what she use to do." Sophie teased and was met by a stern look from her sister and Blake chuckled with his whole body at the exchange.

"You're input is unwanted." Rosie informed her younger sister who smirked. "You're uniform is on your bed. Wash, teeth, dressed in twenty minutes or we'll be late, bring your gel down and I'll do your hair." He smiled brightly before running up the stairs.

"I'm going to have to check his breath now to make sure he's brushed thank you very much." Rosie grumbled as she filled up the washing machine, Sophie watched the scene in front of with a small smile. It was hard to believe this was the same girl who had set their kitchen alight. Rosie had grown up so much and although she was still the same at heart the maturity was still surprising.

"You're so welcome."

"If I can't find those shoes I'm gonna have to change." She huffed as she crouched down to look under the table.

"Just wear the black ones." Sophie suggested as she drank the last of her tea.

"They don't go with this outfit."

"Black goes with everything." She offered with a shrug.

"And that is way I'm a fashion icon and you're not." The younger girl rolled her eyes before placing her empty cup into the dish washer.

"So did you pair have a good night?" Rosie asked as she walked around the kitchen on her hands and knees ruthlessly looking for the shoes she desperately wanted, Sophie watched with amusement.

"Yeah we had a great time. Went and took sweets from some strangers, ran around with scissors before we watched some horror movies."

"You're kidding right?" Rosie shot back with her mouth agape.

"Yes Rose, I'm joking. We watched Finding Nemo." Sophie chuckled.

"Aunty Sophie cried." Blake called from the living room.

"Are you dressed and washed already?" Rosie shouted back to him

"I came to get my tooth brush." He called back.

"Why is it down stairs, wait I don't want to know!" She told him as her words were followed by his feet running up the stairs again. "You cried?" Rosie asked standing up and brushing down her clothes.

"It's sad, you think he's dead." Her sister and looked at her sceptically. "Fine. I'm overly emotional. Well as lovely as your company is and I'm only talking about Blake." Rosie swatted her arm playfully. "I need to get to school, I want to grab the classroom with the good projector today."

"Okay, don't forget Sunday." Sophie looked over her shoulder as she picked up her bag with a frown upon her face. "Dinner, mum and dads." The brunette moaned lowly, having completely forgotten. "And no I'm not covering for you again. So you better be there."

"Fine." Sophie threw the strap over her head and smiled to her sister, the gesture hurt her face. "Right, well I shall see you Sunday. Bye Blake!" She called up the stairs.

"Bye Aunty Sophie." She went to open the door when she heard her sister call her and she turned with expectation towards the kitchen.

"You can stop that, it's hurting my eyes." Rosie said and Sophie knotted her brow confused by her sisters words. "Stop pretending you're fine." The breath caught in Sophie's throat and she swallowed it down painfully.

"I am fine." She offered with another fake smile.

"No you're not. You are completely and utterly depressed. You're just putting on this happy-go-lucky façade."

"I'm shocked you even know what façade means." Sophie joked but her sister clearly didn't appreciate it as she placed her hands on her hips with a firm face. "There's no pleasing you. You complain because I'm moping and then you're whining that I'm happy."

"At least when you were miserable you were being honest. You're attempts at smiling are scary. You look like the joker."

"Thanks." Sophie said sadly, she thought she'd been doing well pushing all her pain to the bottom of her heart, but it was obviously seeping out without her being aware of it.

"She left him for you." Rosie said with a small grin and Sophie's eyes darkened.

"Don't. We're not talking about this."

"Maybe you need to talk about this." Rosie shot back and Sophie's jaw set in annoyance.

"I can't do this now I've got work."

"Run away again Soph, you're getting good at that." The older woman knew it was a low blow even before it left her mouth, but she wanted to get through to her sister. However nothing was said again between them and the only sound was that of the door slamming causing the pictures on the wall to shake.

Sian walked across the cobbles to grab a newspaper and her morning coffee (well tea). She missed her strong shot of caffeine in the morning as it kick started her mind to catch up with her body. But she

knew it was bad for the baby so she had put a firm stop it. She attempted to delude herself that the tea tasted the same; it didn't no matter what she told herself.

As she was approaching the shop she noticed Ryan walking towards Roy's, when they made eye contact however he stopped in his tracks and began to hurry in another direction. Sian knew that she should just go

get her paper, she knew that she should enter the Kabin and leave her husband alone. She knew he needed time and she had to wait for him to be ready to talk to her. Yes Sian knew all of that but it didn't stop the fiery side of her rearing it's head as she hurried after him. They needed to talk, she had an appointment for a sonogram and she wanted him to be there because everything else aside this baby was his.

"Ryan!" She called after him but the man kept his head down and continued his retreat. "Ryan stop will you." Picking up her pace Sian reached out and managed to loop her hand around his elbow yanking Ryan

to a stop. "Ryan, you can't just keep ignoring me."

He didn't say anything just looked down at his feet which only caused Sian's frustrations to grow. She understood that she needed to be more patient with him, after all it had been her who had caused him to

behave like this but in no way did that mean she was happy about it. Looking at him she wished that she could erase the last two years and save everyone from the mess she had caused.

"Please Ryan. Look at me." Her voice virtually pleading, it hurt to know the man she married couldn't even look her in the eye. "Please."

"I can't." He finally spoke. "I have to go to work." He stated but Sian refused to loosen her grip.

"It's Friday, you don't work Fridays." She chuckled lightly. "Have you forgotten I'm married to you, I know when you work."

"Me forgotten we're married? It wasn't me who walked out the door." Sian screwed up her face regretting her words to him, but even as he spat the words out he still refused to lift his head.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Don't bother. I heard enough sorrys from you. And you're only saying it because you want me to forgive you and I don't." Finally he raised his eyes to look at his wife and Sian saw the harshness to his usual soft orbs.

"Ryan." She said quietly hating his hard exterior, hating the way he was looking not at her but through her. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me."

"Then what do you want?" He spat out folding his arms across his chest as though protecting his heart.

"I have a sonogram."

He laughed bitterly and she felt the edges of it cut across her flesh. "And what? You want me there."

"I thought perhaps you might want to be there."

"To be part of some lie. Pretending that we get on, that we're some happy family." He scoffed and she flinched.

"I know I've hurt you-"

"Hurt me? That's the biggest understatement I've ever heard. I love you. I married you for fuck sake. I thought this was forever you and me."

"I did too." She tried to comfort him but she couldn't help the nagging voice in the back of her mind that said _'no you didn't.'_

"Don't lie. Don't you think you've done enough of that. You've been lying the moment you said yes to my proposal. You lied when you said I do, you lied every time we made love. And now you want us to lie and

pretend that everything is fine and go to the sonogram!" He shouted at her the anger was bubbling over inside him and Sian silently cursed herself for chasing after him. She wanted to refute his claims to say that she never mislead him with her feelings but she couldn't.

"This is your child Ryan, I thought perhaps you would to be involved." She tried to reason.

"Is it though?" He shot back venomously.

"What?"

"Is it mine? I don't know. Maybe that's how you got into chambers laying on your back and opening your legs." It wasn't the fact that he was accusing her of an affair that stung it was that he accused her of getting ahead by anything other than her ability. She just stared at him open mouthed in complete shock.

"How can you say that. This baby is yours Ryan."

"Well perhaps I don't want it. I don't want to be reminded of you. I just want you to fuck off and die somewhere!" The words seemed to even surprise himself as tears tickled the back of Sian's blue eyes.

"Hey! Back off!" The raised voice came from behind the blonde, as she looked over her shoulder she saw Sophie jogging towards them. For the first time in a long while she was not happy to see the brunette. She

didn't want Sophie to see her like this, brawling with her husband in the middle of the street. She didn't want to give her love a tainted image of herself.

"Oh surprise, surprise. Ten years on and I'm still in a relationship with three people." Ryan laughed but his eyes seemed dead.

"Just calm down okay." Sophie said gently as she stood beside the blonde looking up at Ryan who's face was almost bright red with rage, but Sophie knew there was pain behind his angry outer walls.

"This is nothing to do with you Sophie." He dismissed.

"It is when you're having a go at her in the middle of the street." She argued as she placed a tentative hand on Sian's back. She turned to look at the blonde who had her eyes trained to the floor.

"Oh I get it. Get your dyke of an ex involved. It must eat you up that she picked me over you. Well take her back she's all yours. I can't even bare to look at her."

"Don't talk to her like that." Sian retorted her head snapping up. He could say what he wanted to her, hurt her with cruel words but she would never allow him to talk to Sophie in such a manner.

"Or what? You'll leave me again. Bring me down some more? What? You've made a complete and utter fucking fool of me. I don't want anything to do with you or that baby!" He shouted his voice reverberating off the houses surrounding them as the sound came back like a wave against the blonde. Unable to stand it any longer, her husband was gone, there only stood a shell in front of her. Sian ran.

The blonde didn't stop running until she was at the end of the street and she felt like her legs were going to give away. She was completely embarrassed, having Sophie hearing all of that. Ryan was a mess she understood that and took full responsibility for this, she had been the one to pull the carpet out from under him. She warranted his dark mood, but she wished that Sophie had not been their to witness it. The warm fat tears fell slowly down her cheeks and she was happy to let them fall, however she heard heavy footsteps approaching swiftly. She quickly wiped at her wet eyes because she didn't want Ryan to see her like this, it would have little effect on him anyway as they entered into round two. Sniffling she turned to greet him but was shocked to see Sophie walking closer to her. Sian contemplated walking towards her but she doubted that her legs would carry her so she let Sophie close the distance between them. Opening her mouth to speak nothing came out but it didn't matter because Sophie took one final step and wrapped her arms around Sian both tenderly and gently. The blonde stood tense for a moment waiting for her brain to catch up with the events and before she could stop them, sobs rattled through her and she almost fell into Sophie's arms. It was a reunion, although it wasn't how she expected her next encounter with the brunette to go, this meant so much more to her. She cried for herself, she cried for Ryan, she cried for the baby but most of all she cried for them. If tears could heal a broken heart, then she'd be able to repair the whole world.

After a long while Sophie let go of the girl who had held her so tightly in her embrace. She did not know how long they had been standing there holding each other, but it had been a second too long. Sophie smiled at the tear soaked girl. "Thank you Sophie." Sian finally choked out and the younger girl smiled strictly, trying to reel in her emotions.

"This doesn't change anything Sian, it's just against my better judgement I came in here." The truth was it had been an instant decision, she had given Ryan a hard look of disapproval before turning after the blonde. But she couldn't admit that aloud.

"I understand." Sian finally said but having the girl hold her had caused her entire body to tingle with feelings, it had felt warm and a beautiful mess all at once. "I'm glad you came."

"You're welcome." Sophie was going to leave having given the girl all the comfort that her heart would allow, she nodded and turned to leave.

"Me and Ryan…" The blonde wanted to say so much to the other girl, explain about her and Ryan, tell her about the baby, but she really didn't know where to start with it all; that there was no way back for her and her husband, that she meant it when she said she was leaving him.

"I'm not quite ready to sit and listen to your relationship problems just yet." Sophie said honestly, although Sian had turned up on her door claiming they had separated she expected that Sian and Ryan would be back together soon. Even as teenagers they were always breaking up and getting back together, even after the harsh words she had just witnessed, plus Sian hated being alone and now she was pregnant even more reason to go back. "We aren't just suddenly back to normal." She finished.

"I know that, but you came after me?" Sian had wanted to see more in this action than what was actually there and the realisation stung as Sophie lifted the corners of her mouth into the saddest smile Sian had ever seen.

"Because for a longest time I loved you, and I can't just switch that off and neither can I forget what happened between us. Baby steps. Maybe one day we can be…friends" Sophie explained staring hard into blue eyes. The word 'loved' rattled in Sian's brain, and she started to think that maybe it was too late, everything had changed and she felt the hammer strike against her heart.

"That night Soph…" She began.

"Don't, now isn't the time." Sophie stopped her knowing where the conversation was heading, she couldn't hear it.

"There will be a time for all of this?" Sian inquired, she knew she was pushing the brunette but she longed for the moment that she could confess about everything that plagued her mind. To have a moment of just them together so they could talk even if it was just as 'friends' which was the last thing she wanted.

"Eventually." the younger girl did want to hear what the other girl had to say, even if her brain called her a fool. However she wanted it to be at a time when it would not effect her so deeply, when maybe the wounds weren't so exposed and raw. Her feelings for Sian were still tender and could tip her either way and she didn't have the energy to pick herself back up right now, she wanted to be stable in their 'friendship' if that was even possible.

"Well thank you for coming, when I needed someone."

Sophie just smiled as she walked away, glad that she had been there for the blonde but knew that she had to leave. She had been split when she'd seen Sian rush off, it had been the tears that glistened in the blonde's eyes that had caused her to go after her. Sophie knew that she should probably not have gone, sometimes the right thing is indeed also the wrong way forward. Holding Sian had caused too many emotions to surge through her body and she wished she had a switch that she could flick off. She hated the way Sian made her feel, she hated the way that the blonde had such an influence on her. But she couldn't bring herself to hate the love she had for the blonde and perhaps that was what hurt most.

Sophie pulled her car up to her apartment, stopping the car she just sat there for five minutes. The encounter with Sian was still playing on her mind and she looked down at her phone that sat on the passenger seat. Picking it up she scrolled through her contact list until she found Sian's number looking out at her. Her finger hovered over the call button as she tried to convince herself it was a good idea. It had only been nine hours since they had stood together on the street and nine hours since she had mentioned them trying for a friendship. She did what to be Sian's friend she repeated it to herself as though if she thought it enough she would eventually believe it. It had nothing to do with the fact that she desperately wanted the blonde close to her again, wanted their bodies to fit together, and it had nothing to do with wanting to feel those soft lips moving against her own. With a frustrated growl she threw her phone into her bag and exited her vehicle. She missed the days when she was a child when the only pain she had to worry about were skinned knees instead of skinned hearts; it was much simpler.

As she popped her key into the lock she thought she could hear Damien Rice playing softly and she frowned before she turned the key and pushed her door open. The music was definitely coming from her living room, it couldn't have been Rosie, she thought Damien Rice was a type of Indian food. Attentively she walked towards the music and poked her head around the doorframe and looked around the empty room. It was then that an intoxicating aroma caught her senses, taking a sniff she realised it was cooking coming from her kitchen. It was definitely not a burglar, because she doubted very much they would come in to not only cook themselves a meal but also listen to her music. Eyeing her closed kitchen door she took careful steps towards the source of the smell and slowly she pushed the door open, the sight caught in her throat.

"Hey." Sian said who was standing in her kitchen a tea towel over her shoulder and a knife in her hand as she cut up vegetables.

"W-what are you doing here?" Sophie stuttered out, her brain was having trouble piecing the scene together.

"I'm cooking you dinner and there is a bath waiting for you." The blonde explained with a wide smile.

"That still doesn't answer my question." She shot back folding her arms defensively across her chest.

"I-you aren't looking after yourself."

"I'm looking after myself fine…And even if I wasn't it's not your job to look after me." The words were sharp and she saw the blonde wince. Sophie didn't intend to be so hard but she had to be, she had to put her walls up otherwise Sian would find her way through and she couldn't risk it. She thought it was odd considering no more than two minutes ago she had been about to call Sian. Sophie was becoming use to her warring emotions, the constant push and pull they put her through.

"I know. But I wanted to." Sian said simply taking in Sophie's appearance finally. This morning had been a whirlwind but now Katy's words echoed in her head and she instantly noted the weight loss of the brunette. She still looked beautiful, Sian thought it was impossible for her not to, but she looked thin and her clothes hung off her and Sian hated herself for being so self absorbed that she had not noticed until now. Sophie looked pale which evidently made her blue eyes stand out more, blue eyes that looked sad and tired. Knowing it had been her that caused this visible change made the blonde want to be physically sick.

"You shouldn't be here." Sophie stated feeling uncomfortable under Sian's intense gaze and she shifted her feet to take a step back. "This morning, I, it..." She sighed cursing herself for being unable to form sentences. Sian seemed to look more gorgeous every time she saw her and it was utterly distracting. The worst part was that she had to continually remind herself to keep away, to not wrap her arms around the blonde and it was exhausting.

"I know what this morning was." Came the sad reply. "But I just wanted to do something so I cooked you chicken chasseur."

"That's my favourite." Sophie said despite herself.

"I know that as well."

"I can't do this." She said quietly and she couldn't decide if it was directed to Sian or herself.

"Go have a bath. I'll finish this and put it in the oven. I'll be gone when you get out." In all fairness it was more than Sian had expected. She had thought Sophie would come barging in and instantly kick her out. The light behind Sophie's eyes was fading and it broke Sian's heart, she wanted nothing more than to see them shine again. "I told you I wasn't giving up Sophie." The brunette just nodded and turned to walk down the hallway to her bathroom.

Stepping inside the bathroom she shut the door quickly behind her and leaned against it letting out a long breath. Tears were burning to escape and now alone she let them fall. Through her blurred vision she looked at her usual boring bathroom, there were candles lighting up the room and the bubble filled bath smelled of jasmine. It made her heart ache. Changing and slipping inside she cried silently knowing the girl she loved was just beyond that door preparing her dinner. This was one of those perfect moments you dream of when you find the one. Coming home to find a bath waiting and dinner being cooked, and yet it was breaking Sophie. Life was anything but fair. The hot water relieved some of the stress coursing through her and she was silently thankful for it. Cocking her head slightly she noticed the change of song and could do nothing but smile at the familiar tune.

'_I'd catch a grenade for ya,_

_Throw my hand on a blade for ya,_

_I'd jump in front of a train for ya,_

_You know I'd do anything for ya._

_I would go through all this pain,_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_.'

Bruno Mars, it had been her and Sian's album during their first year of college, they had played it so much the CD had eventually worn out and had to be replaced. Many of the songs reminded her of the blonde and due to this she had not listened to the album for a long while, it was too painful. On this instance however she was transported to her back to the builders yard as she sat on the couch revising for her AS levels, Sian sang the chorus to her while sitting at the desk. It was late in the evening but her parents had been fighting and they had escaped for some quiet.

~x~x~

"_Throw my hand on a blade for ya." She sang and Sophie chuckled._

"_You know that would hurt." Sophie said as she pointed her pen at Sian who smiled playfully._

"_Yeah, I think that's the point. I'd do anything for you no matter how much it hurt." There was a proud expression on her face it made Sophie fall more in love with her all over again, it still amazed her how her love for the blonde grew almost daily. _

"_You such a charmer Powers."_

"_That's why you love me, that and my body." She winked and Sophie couldn't fight the blush. They hadn't slept together but they were getting closer and closer to it all the time. It was becoming harder to stop herself._

"_Oh and you're cocky I forgot that." Sophie finally spoke although her throat and become dry, she took a gulp of her orange juice to try and get some moisture._

"_Are you thinking about me naked?" Sophie chocked on the liquid and tried to cover it with a cough. "Thought so." She laughed and Sophie felt her face burn. "Oi, don't go all embarrassed. I think about you naked all the time." Sian stated trying to ease her girlfriend._

"_Can we not talk about this." Sophie said looking down at her text book and therefore could not see Sian frowning at her._

"_I'm not trying to push you Soph." Sian was instantly regretting her playful teasing._

"_Yeah I know that, it's just hard." Her voice was barely a whisper._

"_What's hard?" Sian asked softly._

"_Keeping my vow and when you talk like that I just want, well you know." Sian couldn't stop the smile pulling at her mouth and she instantly felt her heart beat quickly. She had been so worried that it was just her who wanted to sleep together, and that perhaps Sophie wasn't interested in her in that way. She had been too scared to approach the subject just in case she was right. _

"_I know. But there's no rush. I'm not going anywhere. I plan on marrying you one day Sophie Webster."_

"_What?" Sophie's head shot up so quickly and although Sian felt herself blush at her declaration she didn't retract it. _

"_You heard me."_

"_You mean that? About marrying me?" She asked shyly, biting her inner cheek._

"_With all my heart." Sophie swallowed hard as she stood up placing her books down on the floor, she reached out her hand to Sian who accepted it. The brunette tugged her upwards from the chair. "Where are we going?" Sian asked confused as Sophie led her back towards the couch she had been previously laying on. _

"_Over here."_

"_Why?" _

"_Because I love you, and one day I plan on saying yes when you propose. So I don't see why we should wait."_

"_Are you saying…" Sian asked her heart suddenly pounding against her chest with so much force she worried it might break through. Sophie nodded silently they stood facing each other. "Are you sure?"_

"_Yes. I don't want anyone else. I want my first time to be with you." Sian smiled goofily placed her hands gently on Sophie's waist. _

"_Hey! Who say's I'm going to be the one proposing?" She joked as Sophie wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck before leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on her lips. _

"_You're ruining the moment." Sophie said lightly while Sian mimed zipping her lips closed. _

"_No more talking from me." _

"_Good." With that she inclined forward until her lips contacted with the blondes again, it was soft and gentle, leisurely they're lips moved against each other. Sian felt Sophie tremble against her and she pulled her closer, trying to ease the brunette's nerves while trying to control her own. Sian pulled back and held Sophie's flushed face between her hands._

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes." She said slowly, she really was ready, her body was vibrating with desire._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Forever_."

~x~x~

Sophie slipped her eyes open and left the memory where it belong in the past. She remembered that night so clearly, how nervous they had been, they had constantly been reassuring each other, shyly telling the other how they liked it like that, 'a bit harder' or 'you can use another.' It wasn't the Hollywood sex scenes you see on movies, there had been awkward moments. There was no bed, no candles or scattered rose petals. But that was fairy tale's and pre-planned events , they had been impulsive and it was so much better than the dreams she'd had about her first time. It was perfect. Her body ached to go back to that time when everything was ideal and they believed that love lasted forever because anything less just wasn't good enough. Back to a time when saying 'I love you' meant everything instead of now when it meant pain.

Half an hour later she finally managed to pull herself out of the bath and she wrapped her robe around herself and walked back to find her empty kitchen. She could smell the food and it made her mouth water. She hated to admit that Sian was right, Sophie hadn't been taking the best care of herself, she didn't eat much and although she washed, it was mostly a quick shower. It felt good to have had half an hour just to relax and she couldn't deny the thought of having Sian outside the door helped with that.

Walking towards the table she picked up the note that had her name scribbled on it in Sian's curled handwriting. _'I'm sorry for interfering. I just want to make sure you're okay. I want to look after you Sophie, I know this will take time. There's no rush I'm not going anywhere. Love always Sian x' _

The words on the written page struck a chord as she recalled the memory of their first time together. Clearly Sian had gotten lost in the same memory and it made Sophie smile even though she knew she shouldn't. Her brain told her that she should be angry about everything Sian had done but her heart squealed with joy and Sophie wouldn't deny her heart this moment of pleasure. Because the truth was Sophie knew she wasn't taking care of herself properly, what was the point feeding her body when it already felt dead. So taking the food out of the oven she placed it on the table and began to eat alone…her heart sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sian had finally moved into her own flat, she had forgone the option of buying a house and decided upon renting. Every house seemed like a vast empty space that she couldn't possible fill, all the vacant rooms where like a slap in the face. Her first thought when seeing the blank space was all the ways her and Sophie could fill it and then it came crashing back to her that Sophie wasn't hers. It was like her heart was constantly trying to trick her only to keep ripping open her wounds. Sophie hadn't even called or text her since she had turned up at the brunette's. She wanted to say she hadn't expected any contact but her hope had built itself up only to come tumbling back down when days and then weeks had passed. Seven weeks later and she hadn't even seen Sophie; she'd sent her flowers and the odd text message but nothing. She had wanted to ask Katy on many occasions if she had heard from Sophie if the younger girl had mentioned at all, but she was too scared.

Tenderly she hugged her small baby bump, wishing that she was bringing this little one into more of a normal world, a more complete world. She had contemplated for one brief moment about returning back to Ryan just so that this baby had two parents but instantly she had cursed herself for that impulsive thought. Her child was better off having two parents who were separated and happy than having them together and miserable. She remembered how her own parents would fight for hours before they finally went their separate ways and she was not going to put a child of hers through that. But more than anything she wanted Sophie's soft hands on her stomach, rubbing circles peacefully, but instead it was her own hands holding herself.

"Here alright sweetheart?" She popped her head up to look at the taxi driver and smiled as genuinely as she could.

"This is fine." Handing over the money she shimmied out of the cab and stood on the ever familiar street. This one place would always feel more like home than any other place in the world. It was like gravity pulling her here, it was pointless to fight it; Coronation Street held all her happiest memories and she never wanted to be free of those so she came back.

As she walked down the street, she could smell the scent before her eyes spotted the brunette jogging across the road. Sian didn't know whether Sophie had seen her but decided to keep on walking and it didn't really matter as Sian sped up her pace until she found herself walking beside her. It would have been a lie to say she hadn't expected to see the brunette tonight, it was Chesney's birthday and it would have also been a lie to say she hadn't changed her outfit over ten times trying to find something flattering. Sian had practiced so many conversations in her mind about what she would say tonight and right now she worried about what would leave her lips. But that didn't stop her as she closed the last remaining gap between them.

"So…why are maths books so unhappy?" Sophie spun to her side shocked by the voice interrupting her thoughts; it was as if her mind had conjured Sian up into reality. The blonde stood there with a soft smile her head tilted to the side. Inside Sian cursed herself for how she had chosen to start their first exchange in weeks.

"Huh?" Sophie replied as she continued to walk and Sian stayed by her side.

"Why are maths books so unhappy?" She repeated already smiling to herself as she thought of the punch line.

"I didn't realise books had feelings." Sophie injected and she witnessed Sian's face drop. "Sorry why are they unhappy?"

"Because they are full of problems." Sian let out a small burst of laughter all the while Sophie kept a straight face. "Come on, that was funny."

"Joke book, you may want to buy one."

"I'm naturally funny, I just saw you walking along with no smile on your face and I thought I might share my gift."

"You might want to find your gift first." Sophie chuckled lightly as they stopped by the kerb waiting for a couple of cars to pass. "Maybe you are funny."

"I do prefer it when people are laughing with me rather than at me, but I will take what I can get." The two girls were now standing face to face and Sian had to remind herself to breathe as she got caught in blue eyes.

"Thanks though." Sophie said as she began to cross the road.

"For what? Making you laugh?" Sian asked after her.

"For attempting it." Sophie turned back with a small smirk before walking on and Sian had to jog lightly to keep up. Sophie looked at the blonde from the corner of her eye. "You're starting to show." She stated simply as they approached the front of The Rovers.

Sian looked down self-consciously at her jeans and baggy silk top, she had thought it covered herself. "Yeah." She said quietly before trying to push through it. "I'll look like a beached whale soon." She laughed but Sophie knew she had made the girl uncomfortable and regretted it immediately. Sophie took a couple of steps towards the door but Sian held back, she wanted to be right next to Sophie soaking in her natural warmth. But she also wanted to give the girl space, and although it was only a few centimetres she wanted to prove to herself and to the brunette that she could respect her wishes. She was well aware that she could not just cook the girl a meal and play meaningful songs and have everything go back to how it was. So Sian stood in the same spot as though her feet were made of stone, and ignore every urge to reach out and touch her love.

Sophie gripped the door handle but stopped and looked over her shoulder towards Sian. "You'll be beautiful; you could never be anything short of beautiful." Giving the door a final pull she slipped inside, she ignored the way her head was spinning and her heart was pounding as she'd uttered those words. She had always relied on her head to keep her focused, to tell her what the right thing was, but it seemed to be changing teams on her. For a split second she thought she heard her brain whispering for her to go back outside to the blonde and never let her go. Luckily the music inside the pub drowned out whatever it was trying to say. Ever since Sian had turned up at her house she hadn't been able to think correctly, everything she thought she knew seemed wrong and bile slipped up into her throat each time she thought about the night Sian knocked on her door in the rain. It was all so confusing and Sophie welcomed the distraction of Chesney's birthday.

As Sophie stood in the threshold of the pub she looked around for her friends, the hairs all over her body stood up as her body sensed that Sian had entered as well. She was well aware that Sian would be coming tonight and although it had put her off coming for a split second, she had still decided to come. She argued that it was because Chesney was one of her oldest friends but a little voice said she was fooling herself. Sophie turned and smiled to Sian because on the outside, to the world they still pretended to be the best of friends, but if you looked closer you could see the cracks. The duo were barely hanging on by a thread, they were broken inside, bleeding out into the world, yet no one seemed to notice, only those who took the time to watch them.

"Well nice of you to show up." Chesney said as he came bounding over wrapping his arm's tightly around Sophie and she hugged him back with as much enthusiasm. Sophie smiled and leaned into the familiar embrace. "Hey, what took you so long?" He changed his attention to Sian who stood just behind Sophie, releasing the younger girl he stepped forward and pulled Sian into a fierce hug and the swayed gently to side to side.

"What can we say, perfection take's time." Sian chipped in. Sophie smiled at the exchanged before she slipped off to speak to her sister who was sitting across from the bar. She thought she'd be able to get through the evening without the temptation taking hold but it was more difficult that she had imagined. Her brain was slowly joining forces with her heart and she knew that soon she wouldn't be able to resist any longer. In this moment she was starting to question why she was even resisting it at all.

"And there is nothing more perfect that you and Sophie, kissing, getting all sweaty and…ow." He yelped as the back of Katy's hand made contact with the back of his head.

"You are such a perv." His wife told him who had appeared beside them. Sian gazed over to Sophie who seemed to have been out of ear shot to hear his words.

"But you love me right?" He asked with a puppy dog face.

"Of course." The blonde chuckled.

"So does that mean you two and me could-" The ginger man quickly stopped his sentence when he saw Katy swing her arm back ready to connect with his stomach. "Watch a movie sometime." This caused the woman to stop her on coming abuse. "What did you think I was going to say…shame on you babe get your mind out the gutter. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all." He chuckled lightly.

"Shut up." Katy said light heartedly before leaning in closer to her female friend. "So did you and Sophie come together?" Sian gazed over to the brunette who seemed to be laughing at something Rosie was saying to her.

"We walked through the doors together if that's what you mean." She shrugged but she could feel Katy's eyes heavy upon her. "What?"

"Be careful." It was a warning but there was also a softness of her voice and Sian smiled sadly before nodding her head and walking to the bar pulling Chesney with her.

"Since I can't drink I plan on getting you very drunk."

"That seems like a great plan." He almost cheered.

An hour later Sophie was leaning over the bar waiting for Steve to come over with her shots and another round of drinks. "Having fun?" Katy asked as she saddled up beside the brunette, Sophie could smell the vodka on her young friends breath as the question brought Sophie's attention back, she had been watching Sian out of the corner of her eye. Sophie had been unable to stop herself watching Sian all night; her eyes were drawn to the blonde as she fluttered from person to person sharing exchanges. She was heart breakingly, Hollywood star, earth shatteringly beautiful. Taking a deep breath and slapping on her standard smile she turned sharply to her friend. Although, the smile wasn't as hard to fake as usual with the alcohol coursing through her body.

"Hell yes I am, I'm drunk and I'm merry, shot me up girl." And the other woman burst out laughing at Sophie's enthusiastic shout. As if by cue Steve returned with the drinks she'd ordered and she handed over the money.

"Great, Sian is boring not being able to drink." Katy smiled as she looked at Sophie subtly and the brunette just shrugged as though the sound of Sian's name didn't cut her through to the core. Sophie just wanted to drink tonight, to try and forget about the natural pull she had to the blonde. Being strong was taking all her effort and she continued to try and tell herself she had made the right choice. If she continued to repeat it enough surely it would be true. She pushed two shot glasses over to Katy.

"Who did you order the shots for?" Katy eyed the four small glasses of liquid.

"Two were for you." Sophie exclaimed brightly.

"Are you a mind reader now? Just predicted I was going to come over eh?" Katy chuckled while Sophie looked guilty. In truth she had ordered them all for herself in some weird hope that it would stop her from looking over at Sian.

"Yeah did you not know that?" Sophie chuckled lightly before necking one of the shots, enjoying the liquid burning her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut she savoured the bitter sharp taste and the moment they shot back open her eyes automatically landed on Sian. She opened her mouth to say something to Katy about Sian, ask her how she was, how the baby was but she noticed Maria and David standing the other side of her. They started up a conversation with Katy and when talk was directed at her she nodded and laughed at the right times. All the while she couldn't stop herself from watching the blonde. Sophie as slyly as possible while Maria and David chatted about a new look for the salon, Sophie kept a close watch on Sian. She was trying to keep in with the conversation, but she could not give them her full attention.

The blonde was fully aware of the looks from Sophie, enjoying the occasional glance from the brunette and it was building up all her hopes, letting her know that her hard work was having an effect on Sophie. She didn't care how long it was going to take, she was going to knock down every section of the wall protecting the younger girls heart.

Sophie smiled to the trio before slightly stumbling over to an empty chair and sat down on it wishing that the room would stop spinning. She needed to stop drinking, but she was too scared that she'd find herself moving across the room to Sian, maybe slip her arm around the blonde's thin waist, tilt her head back and place her lips against hers. She was so lost in her thoughts that she was not aware of the person who had crept on the seat beside her.

"Sophie…Soph?" Startled she turned to her right to see Tina sitting beside her with a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Hey."

"Hi." Sophie said brightly but she knew the happiness was only due to the alcohol running through her body, like most things in her life it was fake.

"Having fun?"

"Yeah, you?"

"It's good, although I'm gonna be scrapping Graeme off the bar soon." Tina gestured to the male at the bar who was now doing shots of tequila with Maria and Katy. "It was Sian wasn't it?" Sophie looked up with deep creases in her forehead taken back by Tina's change of subject.

"What was Sian?"

"That night we talked, you said you loved someone who was married." Sophie slowly closed her eyes as the realisation sunk in.

"No it wasn't." She rejected the idea with an over the top shrug and Tina looked at her sceptically. "Was that not believable enough?" The brunette asked pitifully with downcast eyebrows.

"Not really." she replied with a throaty chuckle.

"Can I have another go?"

"Are you alright?" Tina asked gently as she placed her hand on Sophie's knee. It was strange that the secret that had bonded Sophie and Sian together was slowly seeping out. She had truly believed they were fooling everyone.

"I'm fine." Fidgeting she refused to meet the dark haired girls eye, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to beat off her emotions.

"I can see that." There was a sarcastic edge to her voice and feeling slightly braver she looked up to see Tina looking across at her softly.

Tina watched Sophie as the woman looked off into the distance contemplating everything that was clearly rushing around in her mind. "I think regret is the worst pain there is you know."

The younger woman looked over frowning at the words uttered by the woman she had known since she was a teen. "I think guilt is pretty high up there." Sophie offered back.

With a shrug the Tina continued her point, "guilt is bad and so is sadness, but regret, I think that regret is a combination of them both."

"What are you trying to say?" Sophie asked nervously biting her bottom lip.

"She left him." It was a short statement, but the brunette knew what she was referring to and sighed.

"Doesn't make it simple though."

"Because she's pregnant?" Sophie eyed her suspiciously through narrowed eyes, amazed by the woman's perception.

"Because of a million reason like…" She trailed off because at this moment she couldn't pin point a single one of them. She couldn't think of one reason why she was not with Sian and she wasn't sure if it was due to the alcohol or because she could feel her resolve crumbling.

"None of those reason matter. Because when it comes to loving someone it is that simple." Sophie looked at Tina hard, trying to understand where this conversation was suddenly coming from. "Don't look at me like that; we're all allowed moments of insightfulment."

"Insighfulment isn't a word." She shot back with a quirked eyebrow.

"Even drunk you're still a teacher eh?"

"A leopard can't change its spots."

"A leopard can't change its heart either." Tina said pointedly and Sophie felt tears hit the back of her eyes. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but I remember you pair as teenagers you seemed so happy." A delicate smile came across the older woman's mouth as she recalled the duo.

"We aren't teenagers anymore."

"No but first love, it's crazy and stupid and completely unpredictable. So if you have something like that, you can't let it go." Tina gently squeezed Sophie's thigh one more time to enforce her words and the brunette quickly wiped away a stray tear before it fell.

"Babe, come drink with us!" Graeme suddenly exclaimed from the bar as he came and pulled his girlfriend's hand.

"Tina?" Sophie called quietly and the woman stopped and looked back at her. "Thank you."

"Anytime." And just like that she walked off to the bar as though the moment had never occurred between them.

The discussion that had just happened seemed to have sobered her up slightly and standing up on steady feet she stood up her eyes finding her love instantly and a smile spread across Sophie's face as a warmth filled her up. Sian was in the middle of a funny story when she felt the eyes on her and knew immediately who they belonged to. It was if the blue orbs were gazing through her flesh right into her soul and she found it slightly disarming but she also enjoyed it. Sian stopped talking and turned to face the brunette, she had not intended to greet the girl with a smile, but the grin had appeared on her face as if by magic. They stared at each other for a while before either even considered speaking. Sian stood drinking in how beautiful the girl in front of her looked. Slowly they walked towards each other the smile on their faces growing with every step they took.

"Hey." Sian said cheerily. "Drunk?"

"A prefer the word tipsy."

"Even if it is complete understated." They chuckled and Sophie looked up through her eyelashes at the blonde, Sian had to remind herself to breathe.

"Perhaps a little."

"Well you were always a cute drunk." Sian flirted and Sophie blushed.

"Even that time I puked on your shoes?" She laughed and Sian wished she could preserve that sound forever, bottle it and open it up whenever she felt down and needed cheering up.

"Even then." She smiled sweetly.

"Enjoying yourself are we?" The sharp tone ripped through their exchanged and both girls turned abruptly to find Michelle standing there with her arms folded tightly across her chest. "Ryan's sitting at home and you're just living it up?" Her tone was bitter and cut right into the blonde almost causing her to flinch.

"Michelle I really don't think now is the time." Sian said as she looked around the pub not wanting to bring attention to them.

"When would be the time? Just after you found you were pregnant, wait no that was the right time to break my son's heart."

The blonde opened her mouth to speak but she wasn't sure what she could say to damper the woman's temper or end the conversation. "Leave it alone." Luckily for her, Sophie interjected at that moment and Sian wanted to reach out and hold her hand.

"This is nothing to do with you Sophie."

"It is when you're talking to my friend like that." Sian couldn't stop the pride that coursed through her body at the way Sophie was standing up for, she was so strong.

"How can you stand beside her? She's poison." The younger girl opened her mouth to interrupt again but Michelle quickly went on. "She married Ryan knowing full well she wasn't in love with him. She led him along, fed him lies. She ruined him. And yet here you stand right beside her just like when you were younger. I thought you were smarter than that Sophie."

"She's a good person." Sophie stated. It was true, Sian had made a mistake and the brunette accepted her part in the break-up of the marriage. And no matter what Sian had or hadn't done she would stand beside the blonde even if the world was fall down.

"She destroys everything she touches!" Michelle shouted clearly losing control of the temper she was trying to keep close. The blonde felt hot under the collar as she felt eyes from around the room fall on her. "She acts like she can do no wrong, like butter wouldn't melt. But deep down she wrecks people, she plants a seed and watches as people decay from the in-"

"Oi golden oldie!" Sian spun her head to face Katy's booming voice as it cut across the pub. Her friend strode over her jaw set. "This is Chesney's birthday and the only one who gets to ruin my husband's day is me. So why don't you show yourself out."

Michelle looked like she was going to argue but Sophie stepped in front of the blonde as though she was a human shield. "You heard her." Sophie firmly said as she reached her hand behind herself until she found Sian's fingers. The blonde swallowed hard at the gesture and the beauty of it almost made her want to cry. The older woman eyed Sian before holding up her hands in defeat and exiting the pub.

"Do not let her ruin your night." Katy said firmly as she approached her friends and Sian reluctantly felt Sophie draw her hand away.

"I think I should just go." The blonde said trying to avoid the eye contact of other people who were still staring.

"No. You are staying. We are going to sit down right over there and enjoy the rest of the evening." Sophie said with a playful resolute voice.

"I forgot how demanding you can be." Sian teased but there was sadness to her voice. Katy watched the exchange between the lovers and smiled and as she backed away she gave a thumbs up sign to Sian behind the brunette's back. Sian smiled forlornly to her friend as she looked back to Sophie before taking a seat.

"You should ignore her."

"Easier said than done."

"What she said, don't you dare for a second believe it."

"You're drunk." Sian said slightly bitterly because she couldn't bring herself to believe any deeper. Sophie looked at the blonde with sad eyes wanting to say a million different things.

The girls sat in silence, they knew there was much to be said and one of them needed to speak before the moment passed. "Sian I have to tell you something." The bravery was rising up in the brunette and for the first time in a long time she felt ready to admit her feelings, not to simply ignore them and not try to push them down and maybe she was even now ready to do something about it. Maybe it was because of the amount she had drunk that was fogging her judgement but perhaps it wasn't. What if she woke up tomorrow morning with Sian in her arms, what if they were meant to be together and this was the moment their stars finally crossed. What if Tina was right? Could she live with a world of regret never knowing what would happen if she didn't grab this moment tightly with both hands.

"Wait." Sian's voice stopped her trail of thought and her eyes flicked up to see the blonde who had a creased brow. "I want to talk first okay?" Sophie simply nodded, she wasn't sure what she was expecting Sian to say, but her hopes were raising and although she tried to tether them down she couldn't. "I love you Sophie, I love you and I expect I will love you my entire life and no love will ever compare this…Ever."

"Sian I lo-" She was preparing to blurt out but Sian's voice over powered her. They were both aware that they were sitting in a crowded bar and did not want to bring any unwanted attention to them.

"Please just let me finish this before I chicken out." Again Sophie nodded as she began to feel a cold fear crawling up her spine. "I do love you, you know that right?" The brunette silently concurred with a gesture. "But…" With that one word Sophie felt her heart fall, with just that one word. "Michelle was right, I know you don't agree but she was, I married Ryan knowing I didn't love him, not like I should have. How can you think I'm a good person when I can do something like that? I'm messed up." Sophie saw painfully the way this conversation was going and her heart began to bang against her rips, crying for silence, not wishing to hear it. "I have to stop being selfish and thinking about me and what I want, because you are the most important person to me and your happiness means more to me than anything else. And even though this kills me to say…I'm stepping back Soph. I won't ruin your life, you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry it's taken me a little longer to see that." Sophie's throat felt dry and she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak, she swallowed hard and attempted to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes. The hope that she had felt building up inside her had now coming crashing down in one painful crash. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. I should have thought about you in all of this."

"Don't be sorry." Was all she could manage to choke out. Being brave had never felt more difficult.

"I am. I look at my actions and I feel sick. Please say we can still try and salvage a friendship from all this." All of Sian's words were like daggers to her heart.

"Of course." Sophie slipped her mask on. She was too late. "This is what I wanted to talk about. Friendship is all I can offer you."

"Good because I never want to lose you Soph."

"Not possible. Well I should get back to my sister." Sophie smiled and pulled Sian into a heart breaking hug, trying to push all her intense emotions to the side.

Sian was the first to pull away and showed her 100 watt smile. "Cool, well I have to pee, so I'll see you soon." The blonde walked quickly to the toilets and when she finally reached the cubical, her legs gave way and she collapsed on the toilet in a heap of tears and sobs. Her heart was breaking inside her chest. It felt as if her organs were shutting down one by one causing her the most excruciating pain she'd ever experienced. Hearing the sound of the toilet doors being opened she bit her bottom lip and tried to keep her bawling inside.

"Sian?" The blonde frowned at the voice. "I know you're in here."

"Katy?"

"Yeah, let me in." The shorter girl waited outside the closed door and when it swung open to reveal her broken friend, she almost cried herself. Instead she quickly walked forward and embraced the dishevelled girl and allowed her to cry in her arms. She didn't need Sian to explain anything about what had just occurred between the blonde and Sophie she had watched the exchange closely. The moment she had seen Sian dart into the toilet and Sophie eagerly exit The Rovers she knew something was wrong. Gently she rocked them back and forth.

"It hurts so much, make it stop it please. Just make it stop hurting." Sian cried into the crook of Katy's neck and the younger girl had to stop her own tears from falling.

Sophie on the other hand was now leaning against the wall outside The Rovers trying to compose herself; Sian's words about being selfish were beginning to sink in. She wiped fiercely at her eyes, her heart was breaking and filtering out through tears that she thought might permanently mark her cheeks. Although she had told Sian they couldn't be she had thought somewhere in the back of her mind that eventually they would find their way back to each other. This felt like the final nail to her organ and she wondered if it would continue to beat. She wanted to go back in there and tell Sian they were meant to be, they could overcome everything. Weirdly it had been Michelle to change her mind, hearing her so wrongly talk about the blonde made her blood boil. Sian was the best person Sophie knew and all she wanted to do was wrap Sian up in her arms and mend every part of her. She looked back at the door and contemplated re-entering but she decided against it, maybe Sian was right they weren't right for each other, maybe this was just all the alcohol. Her feet began to carry her away from the party; she needed to wake up in the cool light of day. Everything would be different tomorrow.

Sophie threw her keys down on to the table as she picked up her mail that remained from the morning. Along with her regular post which she suspected were bills was also a small parcel. Sophie frowned wondering if she had ordered anything over the last few weeks. Tossing the few letters onto the couch she sat down and proceeded to rip off the brown paper and the layer of bubble wrap. There in her hands was something that she had definitely not ordered; a bright yellow book that had a post-it note attached to the front. '_For when I'm not around to make you laugh (or be laughed at) S x'_, taking the note off the cover she saw it was a joke book. Part of her smiled at the gesture from Sian and yet another part of her felt sadden by the token from the blonde. It had been just over a month since Chesney's party and she had not seen Sian. They would meet, have intense heart shattering exchanges and then not see each other for weeks. With this said however Sophie still ached for Sian, every part of her tingled just with the mere thought of her. She had woken up the next morning following the party and had been more confused than ever, one part of her was angry that she'd even considered going back and another part was hurt by Sian's offer of friendship. It was like having an angel and a devil on either shoulder and they argued throwing words of advice at her in between insulting each other. Ignoring her wayward emotions was exhausting.

Laying back on the couch she flipped through the book and smiled to herself maybe this was a gesture from Sian that they could and should try for the friendship they were both talking about. The little angel piped up at Sophie's thought and declared that it was a bad idea and that Sophie would regret it. There was the possibility that she would regret it, but there was also the chance that they could start again? Sophie wasn't sure which option scared her more. But as always her thoughts travelled to that of the child Sian was carrying, could they ever start over when she was forever connected to Ryan?

With a sigh she reached out for the remote and turned her CD player on. Bruno Mars erupted to life and filled the small flat with music. Sophie smiled as the songs drown out all her conflicting emotions; sometimes ignorance was pure bliss.

Sian crossed the street and entered the café, she had been craving a bacon sandwich all morning and it was time to let her body get rewarded for the hour and a half she'd made her stomach wait. She was meant to be meeting Katy at twelve and it was only 11:30 so she made the detour on her way. Walking over to the counter Haley came hurrying over to take her order.

"Hiya, you alright? How you feeling? Groggy? You look well." Sian smiled at the bubbly woman and nodded before speaking.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired but it's alright, had my first sonogram a couple of weeks back."

"And everything's okay?"

"Yep, ten toes ten fingers perfectly healthy." Sian stated proudly, every day that passed she found herself more and more invested in her future with this baby, whether she was alone or not. She would have someone and this baby would always have her.

"Do you know what the sex is yet?"

"No not yet, I'm not sure if I want to know."

"You want it to be a surprise eh?" Sian nodded with a wide smile and Haley matched her grin. "So what can I get you?"

"Can I get a bacon butty? I've had a hankering for one all morning!" Sian exclaimed while rubbing her belly.

"Course, you getting cravings?"

"Like crazy."

"Well if you sit down I'll bring it over to you."

"Thanks Haley." Sian said as she looked around to find an empty table, as she scanned the room she noticed the brunette nursing a cup of tea (she knew that Sophie couldn't stomach coffee.) The younger girl looked up and smiled shyly, she stood there trying to decide if she could go over, and the answer came to her when Sophie waved her over.

"Hey." Sian said as she approached the table and stood beside her bashfully, it amazed her how being close to Sophie turned her into a teenager all over again.

"Hey, have a seat." Sophie gestured to the seat opposite her and she watched as Sian took it. "Thank you…for the joke book."

Sian smiled brightly and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You're welcome." They sat there in a pleasant silence for a few seconds stealing sly shy glance at each other and when they caught the others eye they'd blush and looked away.

"You know I had everything worked out to say to you for the next time I saw you. I had it all planned out." Sian mused as she looked up into Sophie's face.

"And now?" Sophie caught Sian's eye and instantly wished she hadn't. For a moment the brunette was not able to look away, she was trapped by the blue eyes and finally it took all her strength to turn away. She knew it would be an exquisite death, drowning in those eyes but she couldn't risk it right now; Sophie needed to get a handle on her own feelings before she acted on them.

"It's all gone out my head, I practiced and everything." She admitted and rolled her eyes at her confession with a toothy grin.

"Snap, did you put my responses in, imagining what I was going to say?" Sophie asked knowing that she had done the same.

"Every time." The blonde nodded.

"How did I respond?" Sophie enquired as she got more settled into the seat and turned her whole body to face the older girl.

"Usually quite well, except this one time." Sian said with a slight smile. "You were pretty mad."

"Did we work it out?" She requested, everything seemed so natural as though nothing had happened and although it gave her false hope Sophie didn't care.

"I tried to calm you down but you walked out." She said matter of factly.

"Wow, you must have been very mean." Sian noticed the mocking tone to the brunette's voice and smiled, it just made it all harder. She wanted to reach out and touch the person who had once given her so much comfort, now they felt like strangers.

With a cocky smile Sian responded, "I could have gotten you to forgive me but you're just so stubborn." Sophie's jaw dropped with a shocked playful expression.

"I am not stubborn." Relying on her instincts alone and without thinking she reached out and slapped Sian lightly on her bare arm.

"What? Are you serious? I forgot to call you once, by like 10 minutes and you didn't speak to me all day." Sian told her still with a playful tone. "But I remember getting you to forgive me." A mischievous look clouded her eyes and the conversation ran dry while Sophie's cheeks flushed.

Then silence over powered them once again, everything seemed to have been looking so positive but Sian's words had brought the nature of their affair to the surface. Both had so much they needed and wanted to say but neither could bring themselves to start the conversation and they just sat there looking down at the table while people had their own conversations around them. Sophie risked a look upwards and felt her breath get caught in her throat as she took in all the beauty in front of her; it was true, pregnancy made her glow.

Without any warning words fell out of Sophie's mouth. "I miss you." Sian didn't move for a second as she allowed those three words to wash over her, she considered her next words carefully but she didn't need to speak due to Sophie continuing. "I didn't mean it like that, well I did, but…" She rambled, feeling her cheeks burn. "I miss you, I miss my friend. So many times I wanted to call, to talk to you about everything and anything but I couldn't." The blonde shut her eyes not in frustration but in sadness. "Can we go out one night?"

Sian's mouth almost fell to the floor and she felt her heart start to pound away in her chest. She couldn't believe what she was hearing; she'd feared that she'd pushed the brunette away after Chesney's birthday. But she didn't want to push Sophie to be with her any more, she wanted the brunette to take her time and come back when she wanted to; when it felt right. She bit at her cheeks to prevent a cheesy grin from forming on her face, although she suspected her eyes shined with excitement.

"If you don't want to that's fine." The brunette tried to quickly retract her sentence and Sian rapidly shook her head, realizing that she hadn't spoken even though her mind had been screaming yes.

"No, No I mean yes that would be nice." She rushed out flustered and Sophie sighed lightly, relieved. The fear of rejection had hit her almost immediately and she'd feared she'd pushed too quickly. They looked over at each other locked in a connection of blue; the link was only stopped by a plate being put on the table.

"You're bacon sandwich." Haley stated with a smile at them both. Sophie gave the blonde a lopsided grin and she felt a small part of her heart get sown back together. It wasn't completely healed but it was a start.


	3. Chapter 3

Sophie and Sian walked out of the cinema into the warm night air, the movie still fresh in their minds. Sian looked down at the brunette's hand and every part of her wanted to take it and hold it but she thought better of it, she was learning to be patient. It had taken a while for the duo to decide upon an activity to do together; finally they had resolved to go have something to eat followed by a film. Sian sometimes caught the girl giving her a sly glance but she couldn't work her out, there was something behind Sophie's eyes; something she was hiding. They had been getting close emotionally over the evening but they had not hit that moment, the moment when things clicked into place. When you're friends with someone and get close to them, sometimes it changes it might be a small insignificant thing; such as a hug that lasts to long, a friendly kiss that catches un-expecting lips. Sian was just waiting patiently for her moment to appear and she would seize it with both hands, this time never letting the younger girl go; she'd follow her to the edge of the world and back.

"I'm not going to be sleeping tonight." Sian admitted with a pale face.

"I forgot you don't like scary films." Sophie lied as she laughed getting a mental picture of Sian hiding under her covers.

"No you didn't."

"You're right what can I say, I just love to see the colour drain from your face."

"With friend's like you who needs enemies." Sian joked as they started the trek to the car. "I've had fun tonight."

"We haven't really talked much we were watching a movie, the restaurant was a bit loud." Sophie frowned.

"Yeah, but I've enjoyed just being with you, just having your company." She admitted and Sophie didn't dare say it aloud but she had too enjoyed their time together.

"Sian…" Sophie tried to start although she was unsure of what she wanted to say, her brain wouldn't let her utter the words that so desperately wanted to escape.

"Let me finish. You have never really let me explain myself or about what's going on with me and Ryan, and I think we are in a place now that I should." Sophie nodded as they continued to walk. "You were right, I was a coward, it's all I have ever been at heart, things get heavy and I run or rather I didn't fight for you when you left for the US."

"But why?" Sophie asked as hard as she knew this conversation was going to be, Sophie knew she had to hear it.

"Because you needed me or because you didn't need me."

"You're not making sense." Her forehead creased in confusion.

"I've practiced this so many times, everything is just getting muddled up." Sian sighed in frustration as rubbed her face. "You were holding my hand as you told me you were going to the states and there was so much passion there when you talked, you were so excited about going. Then Rosie came in and you ran over to her to tell her and I felt you slipped from my hand. It was almost in slow motion."

"So didn't come with me because I let go?" She wasn't shouting but there was a hard edge to her voice, she didn't realise how much she wanted to hear what Sian had to say until this very moment.

"No I watched you go to your family and tell them about it and it felt right that you were there with them. For a while everything seemed fine between you all, you all needed it, I wouldn't have had it any other way." Sian was trying to find her words correctly knowing how sensitive this conversation was, and she didn't want to ruin their progress. "Your parents were fighting all the time because of Molly and…you disappeared and I could feel you looking to me to try and save you. All I could think that while you were my dream America wasn't." They had reached the car and were now resting against it, looking off into the distance of the light evening sky. "I wanted to tell you so many times that I couldn't go, that it wasn't right but I let you believe I was going to the states with you. But you're parents locked horns again and I just didn't know what to say to you, I couldn't say I wasn't going."

"I didn't need you to say anything Sian I just needed you next to me. I wanted you next to me, America wasn't a dream like you were." Sophie tried to explain, thinking that if they had just talked all those years ago they would probably still be together not floating in this limbo between lovers and friends.

"I got scared Soph. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do." Sian looked down at her shoes, feeling her heartbreak all over again as she recalled the feelings that she'd felt that night she'd told Sophie that she wasn't going with her and that they were over. "Telling you I wasn't going. It was hard."

"It wasn't the easiest thing to watch you walk away." Sophie admitted as they stared at each other, feeling the weight that was usually surrounding them lifted a little.

"With Ryan, it was never me choosing him. I wasn't planning on anything to happen with him. We were just together all the time, I was sad and in pain, being with him I didn't have to pretend." Sophie listened to every word, although it was not the most pleasant thing to hear it was giving her mind ease. "It was never love, it was gratitude and loyalty, and I know that sounds heartless. But I couldn't lie to him or myself any more. Truth is I could never love him when I loved you. When I found out I was pregnant it just hit me."

"What did?" Sophie asked; she couldn't understand why the aching in her chest had suddenly increased.

"That I couldn't be with him. I thought I was doing the right thing staying married to him, I thought I owed it to him. But I was being selfish really; I was being a complete coward. My stolen moments with you were what kept me moving." The blonde sighed and blinked back tears. "When he suggested us trying for a family I couldn't say no to him, I felt so bad about hurting him that I agreed."

"But you kept taking the pill?" It was a question because Sian had managed to get pregnant and there was thought in the back of Sophie's head that perhaps it was planned and that Sian was lying to her.

"Yes I did, I thought it was better that way. I didn't want a family with him. I know that sounds harsh and heartless."

"But…" Sophie trailed off as she nodded towards the small bump at Sian's belly.

The blonde shook her head trying to decide how she could word it; it seemed like such an untruth that she didn't know if Sophie could believe her. "I was on the pill, you have to believe me okay." She watched as the brunette eyed her sceptically. "I had no intention of falling pregnant. I had an infection and I was taking antibiotics, it was a complete accident. But I'm not going to lie to you now, I'm happy about this baby now." Sian spoke honestly.

"I understand that."

"You do?" Sian asked surprised.

"Of course, this baby is a part of you." Sophie did understand that but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"It doesn't change anything though." The blonde quickly interjected.

"Doesn't it?"

"No I still love you and I still want to be with you."

"Sian…" She wasn't sure if she was going to reply with the same sentiment or if she was going to rebuff the girl she couldn't control it. She felt like she was always running five paces behind her emotions, one moment they were reaching out for Sian the next they were slapping her hands down.

"You don't have to say anything, I needed to get this out, I needed to tell you what a coward I was, and that it was never about Ryan. I had to say that I still love you and that I'm always going to love you. I know it's probably not the right time to say anything, but…"

"I know." They stood there against the car in silence for a long while after the night's truths. A lot had been said and even more had not been, there was a time and place for the rest and tonight was not it. In the quiet Sian reached over to hold Sophie's hand. The brunette looked down at their interlocking fingers, it felt right but then the wave of remorse hit her and she withdrew it. "Not yet." Sophie said quickly while Sian heard the word 'yet' and felt a new hope rise in her, a hope she was trying to ignore, she didn't want to push the younger girl too hard or too soon so she just smiled and nodded.

"Just so you know Sian, what Michelle said, it's not true. Not a single part of it. You are wonderful and caring."

"You might be the only one who believes that." The older woman said sadly unable to lift her head.

"Perhaps, I'll believe it enough for everyone." Feeling brave and also wishing deeply to offer the blonde comfort she reached out and took Sian's hand in her own again. They didn't speak again as they stood their connected by the simple gesture. But at that moment it was keeping them both alive.

The Webster house was always like a safety blanket for Sophie, whenever she was down or in pain she would slip through the front door, curl up on the sofa and it all seemed slightly better. Really she was just indulging in numbing her pain for a while as she wrapped the home feeling around her tightly. Some might call it denial some might call it foolish but Sophie didn't care, it was just another one of her weaknesses that joined the growing pile. She had worse weaknesses, her biggest being a certain blonde. But at that moment none of that mattered as she sat on the couch her feet tucked beneath her while she flicked aimless through the multiple channels. The sound was down low as her parents were asleep upstairs and she did not want to disturb them nor did she want her mother to enquire about her late night visit.

Settling on an episode of CSI she snuggled further down into the crook of the couch pulling a throw over her. The familiar theme tune lulled her into a sense of security and she smiled to herself. Her evening with Sian had been everything she had wanted and everything she had been dreading all wrapped up into it one. When the blonde had held her hand it had felt perfect, the warmth and protection she'd felt just from that little contact had been immense and she felt tears prickle the back of her eyes, but she didn't feel as though they were tears of sadness.

"I thought I heard someone." Sophie looked behind her and saw Kevin coming down the stairs wrapping his dress gown around himself with a lazy smile. "If you keep coming back I'm going to assume you're moving home."

She chuckled at his words as he took a seat beside his daughter and she shifted to lean against him. Kevin moved his arm to place it around his child and pulled her in closer and she tucked her head in the crock of his arm.

"Sorry did I wake you?" She asked and felt him shake his head.

"Nah, your mother was snoring."

"Don't let her hear you say that."

"Tell me about it, she's been denying she snores ever since we started dating."

"You mean back in the stone age."

"I might be a caveman but I can still get down with the kids." Sophie laughed and Kevin couldn't help but think he'd almost forgotten how sweet it sounded.

"Down with the kids? Bless you dad." She said as she leaned up and kissed his cheek sweetly.

"So…" He started and Sophie tried to focus on the television suddenly, the older man chortled. "Very subtle little one."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Shrugging she continued to stare at the T.V hoping that her father would drop his questioning, even though she knew it was a hopeless wishing.

"You're my daughter-"

"I am?" She interrupted with a smirk.

"Funny. What I mean is, I know something is on your mind."

"It's nothing." Kevin squeezed her closer and Sophie felt a unexpected need to cry, combined with her bubbling emotions and her father's caring tone she knew tears were going to come. "I don't know what I'm doing dad." On the last word her voice broken and she burrowed her head into the male's chest and he held her tightly.

"What do you mean sweetheart?" He asked as he kissed the top of her head. Slowly she pulled back and looked up at him with tear stained cheeks.

"Please don't judge me."

"I would never judge you." He said lowering his brow and looking deeply at his child. "There is nothing you could ever say that would change who you are and what I think of you." Kevin said sincerely and the words sprung deeper tears to Sophie's eyes.

"I still love her." Sophie said bowing her head with a heavy sigh. "I try not to, I do. I've tried to stop it and tell myself it's over that it was some teenage romance but it's not. It was so much more than that."

"Soph, what are you talking about?" He asked, although he had a slight idea where this was going.

"Sian." She stated quietly her voice and heart breaking all at once. It hurt every time she spoke about it, like a constant pain that ate away at her and she didn't know what the cure was. The aching was rooted so deep inside her it felt like it was growing around her organs feeding off her, owning her. There was no escape merely excepting its permanent fixture within her.

"I can't say that I am entirely surprised." He almost laughed, but knew that it was clearly not the right time for it.

"We were having an affair." She admitted quietly, suddenly feeling like a teenager again, getting scolded for smoking.

"I'm the last person who can judge you for that." He acknowledged with knowing sad eyes, the pain that his infidelity had caused fractured through their entire family and he always thought Sophie going to the US was her way of running away from it. "Is that why she left Ryan?" He asked and Sophie simply nodded silently. "Then why are you here on our sofa and not with her?"

"Because it's not that simple, I broke up a marriage and she's carrying his child."

Kevin nodded slowly. "Yeah I had heard about that." He gave his daughter a small sad smile and wished that it could offer her some comfort. "Does it change things?" The older man suddenly asked and the question caused Sophie's head to snap up so she could look at her father's face.

"Of course it does." Sophie exclaimed loudly, and then hoped her mum wouldn't hear their exchange. "She has a child with him. I can't compete with that."

"I have a child with someone else Sophie, although Jack is my son he lives with Tyrone and your mum forgave me. Every day I am so grateful of this fact. Having Jack doesn't change how I feel about your mum. If anything it makes me love her more, when I have him for the weekend and she looks after him like he's her own."

"That's completely different." Sophie interjected with a soft eye roll in Kevin's direction.

"Yeah because I realized that I had made a mistake and couldn't leave my wife and family. Sian realized that what she was doing was not a mistake and the mistake was staying with Ryan." Her mind tried to find logical sense to argue against Kevin's rational argument. But her heart was starting to purr as his words started to sink in through her hardened walls.

"But could you imagine trying to live here in Weatherfield, the gossip, the sly glances and blatant staring." She found herself grabbing at straws with her rebuff and more than anything she wished that she had not been so weak to seek comfort in the former home. Then she would have been at home with her brain telling her she was doing the right thing. Instead here she was listening to her father, telling her how she should follow her heart and she was starting to sway towards the idea.

"Again do you know who you're talking to? This family has always dealt with it head on, we face it. And so will you because you are a Webster." He told her, moving his head lower to make direct eye contact with Sophie. "We only get so many people in our life who have the ability to give us those butterflies and make us feel like we can't eat or breathe. So my advice to you is, if you've found someone who can give you those then don't let it go." Sophie sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed on it lightly while she mewed over her dad's words of wisdom. It wasn't like her father to talk in such an open and honest manner and it was a beautiful moment; tender and sweet with just a small amount of truth to reach inside her and quiet her growing beast. But as quickly as the feeling of stillness settled over her she became instantly unnerved and stood up abruptly.

"I gotta go." Sophie exclaimed with tears attacking the back of her eyes.

"You don't have to do that. You know your room is just upstairs." Kevin offered.

"I should go home." Sophie spoke quietly trying to avoid her dad's intense gaze. "Thanks though, for all of it." He opened his mouth to argue but the attempt fell on deaf ears as Sophie was already picking up her coat that lay discarded on the arm of the chair. "I'll call you tomorrow." Were her final words before she walked out into the night air and got trapped within the night and drown by her own thoughts.

After leaving her parents it had taken her a while to fall asleep, Sophie had tried watching T.V, reading a book with no avail eventually she had decided upon counting sheep. Slumber hadn't come immediately but finally she fell into a deep sleep, which her body deeply craved. As her eyes tiredly shut for the final time she hoped that they wouldn't open until at least midday tomorrow.

_*Don't stop believing…*_

Sophie's phone rang for the third time and she turned over in her old bed with a groan. She'd ignored the first call in hope that sleep would come back to her. The second attempt from the caller had caused the brunette to toss a pillow over her head to try and block out the invasive noise. This third attempt however caused her to throw the pillow off her head before releasing a string of expletives and reaching her hand out blindly. As she looked at the screen she saw all three calls had come from Rosie. With one eye still firmly closed she hit redial and placed the phone to her ear waiting for her sister answer.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Came the shrill voice of her sister.

"Funnierily enough i was asleep, this better be important." Sophie replied groggily, a pout appearing on her lips

"It's Blake." Rosie's voice instantly broke and Sophie could hear her sister break down into tears through the line causing the brunette to sit bolt upright in bed as panic seeped in.

"Rosie? Rosie, what's going on?" She heard mumbling down the line and a fear started to ran through her chest, suddenly feeling very awake.

"Soph, it's Jason. We're at the hospital-"

"What why? Is Blake alright?" She cut over him as her fears became very real. Sophie was out of her bed throwing the covers aside with such force they fell on the floor.

"He had a really high temperature so we brought him in. They-they think it...it could meningitis." He managed to get out and Sophie knew through his tone he too was trying to hold back tears.

"I'm on my way."

"Thanks." He said sincerely as she started to look around her room for any clothes discarded nearby.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Sophie's mind felt blank, like nothing was able to processes through her mind. It was all just a rumble of words and she thought she might be sick.

"Could you tell your parents, Rosie hasn't been able to get in touch with them."

"Course. Jason..."

"Yeah?"

"He will be alright." It wasn't a question Sophie was stating a fact. He was going to be fine. There was no other option.

"I know." But she heard underneath his false bravado, his voice shook and Sophie had to bite her lip hard to prevent her own tears from falling.

"See you soon soph." He cleared his throat through the line as though to try and hide his out of control emotions.

"Yeah okay bye Jase." Sophie stood there for a moment the phone pressed tightly against the side of her head listening to the tone through her mobile. She couldn't seem to move the fear that had seeped through her veins held her stuck in time. The emotions she felt were like a tidal wave against her small frame. Slowly she put the phone down and got dressed.

Sophie was sitting in the waiting room between her mother and sister. Rosie's head was resting upon Jason's shoulder her eyes red and puff from the tears that had spilled freely for the since her arrival at the hospital. Eileen was pacing back and forth in front of them her face creased with concern, Sophie watched her intensely as though it might somehow distract her from the gnawing worry inside her. Every time a doctor or nurse walked by everyone's head shot up expectantly only for them to continue walking or uttering that they were still waiting on tests. Sophie could see the fear written all over Blake's parents faces, they wanted to be with their son, hold his hand, push his hair back and kiss his forehead. She wished she could stop the helpless feeling they were clearly experiencing, instead she reached out and squeezed Rosie's knee tightly. They had performed a spinal tap just under an hour ago and they had yet to hear anything back.

Feeling like she needed to be doing something Sophie stood up abruptly and looked at the people around her. "Does anyone want a drink, tea, coffee?"

"No." Rosie instantly said not lifting her gaze from the floor.

"Come on babe, just have a tea, please." Jason said softly and she finally looked up into his eyes and nodded slowly, he smiled with as much energy as he could muster. "Can you grab me a coke or something?"

"Sure, anyone else?" She asked again this time to the three adults.

"Can I get a black coffee?" Eileen asked and nodded swiftly.

"We'll just have two cups of tea." Sally answered and Sophie didn't hang about any longer as she walked to find the cafeteria. As much as she knew her family needed her she just needed five minutes to escape, to flee the heavy atmosphere that was hang upon them. She knew it was completely selfish but she just needed to breathe, to feel fresh uncontaminated air fill her lungs.

With the coffees and teas on the side Sian slipped some money into a vending machine; she pressed the button for a coke and waited for it to clang down to the opening at the bottom. The noise from the machine seemed to echo through the small room and it caused all other sound to drain away.

"Sophie." Hearing her name Sophie knotted her brow and looked around confused until her eyes fell upon a certain blonde who had appeared. Sian was jogging towards her and Sophie looked around confused. Was her pain so intense that it was creating mirages to try and ease her fear and concern? But now the blonde was standing but a few feet away the brunette realized that if she was going to dream anything it would have been that Blake was well and fine, so this moment could only be real.

"Sian?" She still asked aloud just to make sure the person in front of her was real.

"Yeah, are you okay?" At Sian's words a new worry came to the brunette and instead of having time to prepare herself for the question the words spilled out.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright? Is the baby okay?" Instinctively her hand reached out and touched the blonde's stomach that seemed to be getting bigger each time she saw her. The blonde could not help the corner of her lips rising ever so slightly at the tender gesture but she quickly pushed through it.

"Yeah I'm fine." Sian reached down and took Sophie's hand in hers. "I just saw Rita opening up and she said that Blake was rushed to hospital-"

"That's why you're here?" Sophie couldn't stop the relief that accompanied her words; she couldn't have taken any more bad news. She felt her hand being tugged forwards and Sian's arms wrapped around her as she pulled her close to embrace the brunette. Sian just wanted to be there for Sophie, take some of the weight upon the younger girl's shoulders, hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Sophie couldn't stop herself from placing her head tenderly on Sian's shoulder.

"Of course, I drove straight here. I had to make sure you were alright."

"You mean Blake." Sophie rudely snapped as she stepped out of the blonde's embrace and Sian frowned at her confused by the sharp tone.

"Yes and Blake." She said slowly trying to make her point, Sian knew how much Blake meant to Sophie and she also knew the brunette would be inconsolable if anything happened to him, and she just wanted to be strong for Sophie so she didn't have to be.

"This isn't some part of our game Sian." The blonde took a single step back so she could look into Sophie's narrowed blue eyes.

"What game? Sophie I came to help, maybe get food for everyone-"

"And you think I'll suddenly fall back into your arms." She hissed through her clenched jaw and Sian's mouth fell open, she couldn't believe that Sophie would think that little of her. She loved Sophie more than anything, she was willing to wait but in the mean time she wanted to be the brunette's friend.

"Sophie, you're worried and hurting and you're taking it out on me but-"

"Do not patronize me Sian. I know what I am and what I'm doing." Sophie shouted through gritted teeth, she didn't want to shout with people walking about, but her rage was growing by the second.

"I'm not patronizing you, I wouldn't do that. I just want to be here for you." All she wanted to do was try and defuse the situation, get back to one minute previous where she had been holding the brunette so closely.

"What do you think? That you'd come here and hold me while I'm falling apart and then I'll end up falling into your arms?"

"No of course not. I'm being your friend Soph."

Sophie couldn't prevent the bitter laugh that escaped through her parted lips and the sound rattled all the way to Sian's heart. "We aren't friends, we've never been friends."

"Soph I…" Sian wanted to try and find words, anything that could make this tension disappear but nothing else left her mouth.

"You should go." The brunette said folding her arms. She had swapped one hard situation for another and now she just wanted to crawl into a ball and wait for everything to right itself.

"But-"

"No, please just go." He voice went quiet and she refused to look up into Sian's eyes in fear that she would lose all her will power.

The blonde opened her mouth as if she was going to speak but she couldn't think of anything that would make this better. She didn't want to hurt the brunette any more, she could already see Sophie was hanging on by a thread and she didn't want to be the one to cut the cord. So with this in mind the blonde did the only thing she could do and that was to bow her head and turn on her heel. Sian could feel the warmth of tears behind her eyes but she refused to let them fall until she was out in the fresh night's air.

Sophie stood rooted to the ground and was thankful that her body felt like lead at that moment because if she thought for a second she could move she would probably be after the blonde. She knew that Sian was right; she was taking her mood out on the blonde causing Sian pain that might equal her own. She knew it was wrong, Sian didn't deserve it but it was too late and all she could do was watch as Sian walked further and further away. She wished she was brave enough to chase her, tell her that she was sorry and more than anything tell her she wanted Sian beside her, holding her hand. But there was too much going on, still too many obstacles between them; some that she thought might be impossible to overcome.

Quickly Sophie wiped away at her eyes before the tears were allowed to fall down her cheeks. They weren't just tears for Sian but tears for Blake and she needed to be strong for her family right now. And she knew that if she succumbed to her moment of weakness then the tears might not stop, so she pushed them back, hidden away with everything else. Carefully she put all the drinks onto a tray, but before she left down the hallway she looked one last time to where the blonde was now approaching the exit.

"Was that Sian I saw?" Sophie looked over her shoulder to see Sally, who was looking past the brunette to see the other woman walking away towards the car park.

"Erm yeah." Sophie quickly said after clearing her throat trying to mask how her voice was threatening to break.

"She was a nice girl." The older woman stated randomly.

"She was." Sophie said with a shrug as she tried to forget about the blonde even though her mother was trying to prevent this with her topic of conversation.

"I know I wasn't the most supportive of your relationship when you were younger. But I got through it." She said quite proud of herself, for a time she had thought she'd never get used to it. Especially after the time her and Kevin had walked in on them half naked on the living room couch. However given time she was able to see what they had was special and she came not only accept it but love it.

"I know you did mum." Sophie said with a smile and began to walk back to the waiting room; tray in hands. Her mother walked beside her silently for a few moments and Sophie was thankful for the quiet.

"She was good for you. She always was. And as soon as I saw that I didn't care." The youngest Webster stopped walking and mother did so also with an innocent expression plastered across her face.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sophie said with a frown as she scanned her mother's appearance suspiciously, trying to understand what they were really talking about.

"I just want you to be happy sweetheart." There was something lurching behind Sally's words and Sophie watched her expression intensely.

"I am." Sophie replied quickly with a small shrug.

"You were when you were with Sian."

"That was years ago." Sally chuckled lightly and tried to smile at Sophie, she was in a world of panic at that moment but looking at Sophie right now was the best distraction she could have hoped for.

"You are my daughter Sophie Webster and I know you better than anyone." Sophie eyed her mum with surprise.

"You know don't you?"

"Perhaps. But I also know that happiness is hard to come by. Our family knows that better than anyone. And you shouldn't push the people who can make you happy away. We're standing in a hospital where life comes and goes so quickly, some things are worth the risks." The brunette just stared at Sally in disbelief. She had underestimated a mother's ability to understand her children. "I know it's probably complicated and there's much I don't know but when it comes to love there is no right and wrong. And there's no automatic switch to turn it off." They stood there in silence for a moment as Sophie gazed at her mother a brief smile ghosting across her pale face. "Ooo is that my coffee?" Sally suddenly said startling the brunette out of her daze. As quickly as her mother's insightful moment had occupied it was gone again. Taking the tray Sally walked back to the group who were still in the same positions as she left them in. Immediately Sophie felt guilty for allowing her own problems to take over her mind. But she couldn't ignore her mother's words as they mingled with the advice given to her by Kevin. Right now however it was all about Blake, and thoughts of Sian sat patiently in the back of her mind waiting for Sophie to find her again.

They had been waiting for hours, being allowed to see a sleeping Blake who could barely keep his eyes open a handful of times. The little boy was unable to talk but you could tell that he was just content to have his family around him. Sophie left his room with a kiss on the forehead and eventually they were all sat out in the waiting room again nursing another round of warm drinks. They were waiting, waiting to hear anything and Sophie wasn't sure that she could cope with it any longer.

"Mr and Mrs Grimshaw?" All their beverages were instantly left disregarded as the doctor approached them. Finally Sophie thought, she could stop the hope building up in her but her brain tried to tether it back down.

"Yeah?" Rosie said as she stood up on unsteady legs but Jason was right beside her wrapping a strong arm around her.

"As we first suspected it is meningitis." Sophie felt her heart sink while her mother went ridged and Rosie almost slumped to the floor. "Wait, let me finish." The doctor continued before Jason could start speaking. "Naturally when you hear meningitis you hear the worst, but this is not as serious."

"What? I don't understand." Rosie said shaking her head back and forth.

"Your son has viral meningitis."

"What does that mean, is he going to be okay? Can we see him please? I don't want him to wake up alone." Blake's mother rambled; she couldn't get her thoughts in any order. She simply required hearing five words; 'Blake's going to be okay.'

"It is treatable, very treatable. We can give him antibiotics and he will require plenty of rest and an watchful eye-"

"Wait, are you saying he's alright? Blake's okay?" Jason said and Sophie was sure that she could see the man's eyes glistening with tears. The brunette waited silently across the hallway for the next words from the doctor. Every one held the breath.

"Yes he is going to be fine." There seemed to be a collective sigh, Kevin pulled Sally into a hug while Jason kissed the side of Rosie's head. The feeling of relief that transcended upon Sophie were impossible to put into words, it was like everything felt perfect and more than anything else she wished that Sian was next to her. Rosie and Jason were being led away to Blake's room and Sophie watched the complete happiness radiate off them and she smiled.

"Mum, I have to pop out." Sophie suddenly blurted out as though she had no control over her own mouth.

"Where are-" Sally said but stopped herself with a knowing smile.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. When you see Blake tell him I love him loads." Sophie called as she raced out of the hospital with only one destination on her radar.

Sophie rang the doorbell and waited. Her head screamed at her to run, to be an adult, to admit that things weren't as simple as her heart was telling her. For the first time in months she ignored the voice, she'd had enough of it ruling her life, attempting to protect her. Her core cried as it realized what was happening; it argued with her brain, telling her this was the right thing. While her insides warred Sophie suddenly grasped that she had no idea what she was going to say, it had been a complete compulsion to run to Sian's and now standing here fear started to spread through her. She looked down at her watch 23:57 three minutes to midnight, maybe she was asleep, perhaps she was out. The brunette contemplated ringing again as her finger floated over the button she sighed.

This was a sign, she had completed the romantic gestured of speeding across town to race to Sian's front door only for it to remain closed in her face. Was this the metaphor for their relationship? Waiting another few seconds she turned to retreat back to her car as the realization began to seep through her. It was a mistake. Before taking her third step however she heard the door click behind her and she swung around as she saw Sian wrapping a robe around herself.

"Sophie? What, what are you doing here? Is Blake okay?" The blonde's face clearly became panicked at seeing Sophie standing at her door.

"He's okay. Thankfully." Sian's expression visibly relaxed and it touched Sophie that her ex cared so much about her nephew.

"Then why are you here? Not that I'm not happy to see you because I am. It's just you didn't seem that happy to see me before." Sian said nervously looking at her feet.

"Can I come in?" The brunette asked and watched as Sian opened the door wider. The older girl walked further into her flat and Sophie followed shutting the door behind her. Sophie stayed facing the door for a moment wondering if her body was going to open it and exit the scene. She shifted on the balls of her feet as she tried to think of what to say now that the moment was right in front of her. With a deep breathe she calmed her feelings and turned to face the blonde who was fidgeting with her fingers. "Sian I-"

"If you're here to tell me this isn't going to work…well, I get it Sophie, we can't be together. Message received loud and clear." The blonde said as she turned to walk towards her living room. She couldn't keep doing this is herself, putting her body through the pain. She wanted Sophie more than she wanted her next breath to inflate her lungs, but she was physically and emotionally exhausted.

However as turned to leave Sophie grabbed Sian's wrist firmly. A moment of silence hung over them followed by Sophie tugging on her the girls arm causing the blonde to stumble closer. In one fluid motion the brunette reached out her hand to cup Sian's cheek and bring the older girl's soft pink lips to her own. Sophie kissed her, she kissed her with every unspoken word, every emotion, kissed her for all she's worth and so much more; and Sian accepted it all.


End file.
